imaginarybulb (imaginarybulb) wrote,

Love of a Friend

Title: Love of a Friend
Author: imaginarybulb
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Yongwoon
Rating: PG-13
Summary: I know I can’t have you, the love of a friend, I can’t forget for a single day, I can’t stop…
Note: Part of Kyuhyun’s Love Stories SERIES. Previous installment(s): Andante (Kyuhyun/Jungsu) | I Did Wrong (Kyuhyun/Heechul) | You and I (Kyuhyun/Hangeng) | I Knew It (Kyuhyun/Jongwoon)

Based on the song: 친구의 사랑 (Love of a Friend) – 유키스 (U-KISS)
Based on the MV: -none-
Pairing: KangKyu (Kyuhyun/Kangin)

I know I can’t have you, the love of a friend,
I can’t forget for a single day, I can’t stop…

My eyes have gone blind, time has stopped
I got to know you, who is so eye-blinding
I can’t hide it, I can’t help myself
I love you, I want you

Kyuhyun sighed as he entered his empty apartment. Being a high school student is hard, especially when you’re a big snarky nerd and constantly bullied.

Today, the bully, Kim Heechul decided that it’ll be funny to lock him in the toilet. Thank the God, his friend, Ryeowook found out what had happened to him and helped him.

The male sighed as he threw his tired body onto his fluffy bed. Being a bullied high school student is hard, especially when you’re living on your own.

His parents had divorced when he was 10 and Kyuhyun wasn’t complaining. It’s not like he could though, it’s his parents’ choice and he thought it was better than constantly hearing his used-to-be loving parents shouted profanities to each other. After the divorce, he chose to stay with his mother because his sister, Ahra had chose to live with their father and when he’s 15, his mother died because of sickness.

Kyuhyun pushed himself up forcefully when he heard the sound that indicated new mail came from his laptop. He already knew who it was though, considering he only has two people in the school that he’s kinda close to and didn’t bully him. One of them is Kim Ryeowook, the school prefect and Kim Youngwoon, one of the school’s popular guys.

He and Ryeowook were friends (just friends, not best friends) and he’s thankful for that. However, with Youngwoon, their relationship was a bit too complicated even for someone genius like Kyuhyun.

hndsomeguyKangin: hey, kyu! ^^

Kyuhyun stared at the screen for a while, without realizing a smile had graced his dry, thin lips. He fiddled with his fingers for a while before sighing and began typing.

GameKYU: hey hyung :)

It didn’t take long before Youngwoon replied his message. The elder male is always fast in replying, always so eager, so cute.

hndsomeguyKangin: oh, u’re not asleep yet?
hndsomeguyKangin: I thought you’re asleep
hndsomeguyKangin: I heard what happened from Wookie

Kyuhyun smile turned soft and sad. Despite his tough appearance, Youngwoon is very kind-hearted and Kyuhyun was a bit grateful that he only shows this side of him to Kyuhyun.

GameKYU: I’m fine hyung
GameKYU: Wookie hyung helped me
GameKYU: plus, I’ve been through worst
hndsomeguyKangin: fufufufufu~
hndsomeguyKangin: looks like little Kyuhyunnie had grown up to be strong eh?

Kyuhyun snorted as he typed his reply.

GameKYU: I’m not little and stop calling me Kyuhyunnie
GameKYU: I’m not a kid
hndsomeguyKangin: but it’s cute! >.<
hndsomeguyKangin: u have to admit that it’s cute
GameKYU: -__-
hndsomeguyKangin: Yah, i’m ur hyung!
hndsomeguyKangin: I can call u wutever I wanted to >.<

Kyuhyun chuckled a bit at Youngwoon’s reply. The truth is, Kyuhyun didn’t want Youngwoon to stop calling him Kyuhyunnie, because the older male was the only one who can call him that. Once, Ryeowook who found out about the nickname (because Youngwoon was yelling ‘Kyuhyunnie’ for the school to hear just to get Kyuhyun’s attention) tried calling him that only to have Youngwoon said,

“I’m the only one allowed to call him ‘Kyuhyunnie!”

He smiled at the memory before typing his reply,

GameKYU: suits urself, hyung
hndsomeguyKangin: ^^
hndsomeguyKangin: ah, hey Kyuhyun-ah
hndsomeguyKangin: the school’s festival is coming soon,
hndsomeguyKangin: r u participating??

Kyuhyun’s smile falters a bit. He was hesitating in answering the older male’s question. No matter how much he wants to participate in school’s festival, he couldn’t stand being in front of a lot of people. You see, Kyuhyun loves singing more than anything and he always sings when he’s sad or need to release his tension. However, that only happens when he was alone, and Youngwoon knew that.

GameKYU: I think I’ll pass
hndsomeguyKangin: aww~ wut~???
hndsomeguyKangin: why not???
GameKYU: it’s too bothersome
GameKYU: besides, I don’t have any talent
hndsomeguyKangin: but u’re smart!
hndsomeguyKangin: no, u’re a genius!
GameKYU: hyung, u don’t expect me to solve inequalities for the school’s festival, right? -__-
hndsomeguyKangin: no! XP
hndsomeguyKangin: that’ll bored everyone to death
GameKYU: exactly
hndsomeguyKangin: buuuuut
hndsomeguyKangin: u can sing!
hndsomeguyKangin: dun lie cuz I heard you singing before
hndsomeguyKangin: n u’re awesome!!

Kyuhyun felt his face got warmer at Youngwoon’s compliment. It was an accident when Youngwoon heard Kyuhyun sang. It was one of the best days in his high school life (which is rare) because it’s also the first day Kyuhyun met Youngwoon.

“Wh-Who’s there!?” Kyuhyun asked in alarm, abruptly stopping his singing. He was sure he heard something in this supposedly empty music room. He walked carefully to the door and when he opened it, he was met with a handsome male.

“Uh….Hi,” the male said simply with a bright smile.

Kyuhyun blinked, he knew this male. Kim Youngwoon, one of the school’s most popular guys and he’s also Kim Heechul’s – the one who always bullies Kyuhyun – cousin.

Something clicked in Kyuhyun and he quickly ran away from the male, because dammit this is Kim Heechul’s cousin and he’s probably got some Kim-the-Bully virus in him.

Well, he’s not sure, but he’s not going to wait and find out thank you very much.

However, he was stopped when Youngwoon suddenly grabbed his wrist, surprising him, “W-Wait!” The older male said and Kyuhyun quickly cut him off, “Please don’t hit me.”

Surprise flickered across Youngwoon’s eyes, “Calm down. I’m not going to hit you. I promise.”

Kyuhyun’s movement stopped completely. He stared at the older male in pure curiosity, “Why?”

Youngwoon shrugged, “I don’t find the reason to. Besides, I don’t like it when strong people take advantage on weaker people.”

“You’re way different from Heechul…” Kyuhyun said absentmindedly before covering his mouth in realization.

When Kyuhyun thought Youngwoon was going to hit him for talking like that about his cousin, the older male was laughing wholeheartedly, “You’re right! We are different! Sometimes I wondered if we’re actually cousins!”

Kyuhyun continued to stare at the laughing male for another moment. He looked so cute when he laughs and Kyuhyun unconsciously smiled to himself.

“Oh, you smiled!” Youngwoon suddenly exclaimed, “You finally smiled!”

“You are weird…” Kyuhyun said, face getting warmer. He cleared his throat before asking, “What do you want?”

“Oh!” Youngwoon clapped his hands as if realizing something, “You sing well—No, no, ‘well’ is not enough to describe it. Your voice is great! I mean, greater than that! You’re really awesome! I’ve never heard someone can sing as beautiful as you!”

Kyuhyun was caught off guard. It’s been awhile since anyone had complimented his singing. The last time he hears it was from his mother and that was years ago. He was about to say thanks or anything when Youngwoon suddenly jogged away from him.

“I need to go! See you later, Kyuhyunnie!”

hndsomeguyKangin: awww sheyyt!
hndsomeguyKangin: gotta go, kyuhyunnie~
hndsomeguyKangin: hyung got something to do
hndsomeguyKangin: gud nite kyu~ sweet dreams~
GameKYU: good night, hyung

Sighing softly, Kyuhyun rested his head on the table while mumbling, “I love you…”
Breathlessly, I love you, I only love you,
My heart that looks toward you is burning,


Kyuhyun turned his head towards the voice, it was Youngwoon. He smiled softly at the male who’s waving frantically at him while running towards him. He waved back lightly until Youngwoon stopped running and panting in front of him.

“What is it, hyung?”

Youngwoon took a moment to catch his breath as he raised his hand to tell Kyuhyun to wait for a moment, causing the younger one to smirk in amusement. He then sighed and straightened his back, “I’ve got something to tell you.”

Kyuhyun raised his brows in question and Youngwoon grinned, “I’ve signed you up for the school’s festival.”

Kyuhyun wondered if his eyes can get any wider than this because he was too surprised – or rather shocked after hearing this, “You…what?”

Youngwoon’s grin grew wider, “I signed you up—”

“Hyung!! What!? Are you crazy!?” Kyuhyun yells out in disbelieve, catching Youngwoon and the other students off guard. However, the male wasn’t affected by Kyuhyun’s outburst that long as he stretched out the same grin on his face.

“I’m just doing my job as a hyung, dongsaeng-ah.”

“Hyung~!!” Kyuhyun whined, “I told you I can’t sing in front of other people!”

Youngwoon cackled amusedly because it was rare to see Cho Kyuhyun whining, “I’ll help you with that.”

The younger one pouted and baby-glared him, “Yeah right.”

“What do you mean? I can help you! I’m good in helping people!”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, “Whatever, hyung. You’re on your own. I’m not agreeing to this.”

“Aww~ Kyuhyunnie~ Pleasee~ Do this for hyung~!”

“Hyung, what are you doing!?” Kyuhyun asked in annoyance as Youngwoon grabbed his hand and pouting at him, “Stop pouting! You looked ugly,” Kyuhyun said with a laugh.

“Yah… You’re so mean…” the older male pouted even more. “I’m serious about this, Kyuhyun-ah. I want you to get one the stage and shine! I’m sure people will love you and Heechul hyung will surely stop bullying you after that!”

Kyuhyun sighed as he looked at Youngwoon in silent. The older male was looking at him with a failed puppy-eyes and Kyuhyun didn’t know if he’s supposed to be touched by Youngwoon’s effort to help him or laughed at the look on the older male face.

“Fine…” Youngwoon cheered, “But, if I still can’t sing in front of a crowd on the D-Day, I’m not going to perform and you owe me lunch for two weeks.”

“Deal!” Youngwoon gave him a thumb up and Kyuhyun shook his head lightly.

“Yah, Youngwoon-ah! What are you doing with this nerd!?”

“Chullie hyung…” Youngwoon and Kyuhyun’s head snapped towards the said male – Kim Heechul – who was looking at Kyuhyun in disgust.

“Yah nerd! Get away from my cousin! I don’t want you to infect your virus to him,” Heechul said as one of his gang pushed him away from Youngwoon.

“Kyuhyun!” Youngwoon exclaimed before turning to Heechul, “Hyung! Why did you do that? Kyuhyun didn’t do anything wrong!”

Heechul clicked his tongue in annoyance, “He’s pissing me off even with being himself. I want you to stop hanging out with him.”


“Youngwoon hyung,” Kyuhyun said, cutting Youngwoon off, “I’m fine. You don’t need to be worried about me.” After bowing to the two older males, Kyuhyun walked away from them, bringing his hurting heart with him.

“Hyung! You’re being a jerk!”

“What!? Yah, Kim Youngwoon! Come back here!”

Kyuhyun looked over his shoulder and saw Heechul trying to catch up on Youngwoon who’s stomping away from him. He stretched out a small smile that was laced with sadness as he felt tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. He closed his eyes, stopping the tears, before continue to walk away.

“What…” Kyuhyun said softly as he pressed his palm on his chest, “…exactly is this pain?”
We’re not friends, we’re not lovers, it hurts and I cry
My heart cannot be hidden, it’s getting bigger, it hurts

“Cho Kyuhyun~”

Kyuhyun looked up from his lunch when he heard someone called his name. And like he had expected, a beaming Youngwoon was walking towards him while waving frantically. He couldn’t help the smile that had found its way on his face as he waved back at the older male.

“What are you doing?” Youngwoon asked as he took a seat across him, ignoring the looks and whispers the other students were giving them.

“Eating,” Kyuhyun stated the matter-of-factly, “What about you, hyung? You should be in class now, right?”

“I’m skipping class,” the older male winked and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes in reply.

“I’m joking,” Youngwoon explained, “I asked the teacher permission so that I can see you.”

“What for?”

“About our practice,” Youngwoon grinned when Kyuhyun groaned in reply.

“You’re serious about that?”

“Of course I am!” the older male exclaimed childishly, “After school, the music room, okay?”

Kyuhyun lets out a heavy sigh as Youngwoon left the cafeteria with a grin. He wondered why the older male was so stubborn in making him sing at the school’s festival. No one wanted to befriend him and suddenly Kim Youngwoon, one of the most popular guys in school was here, talking to him and treating him nicely.

There were times when Kyuhyun was scared if Youngwoon did all this because of some kind of a bet he made with his friends, or worst—Heechul. He watched this on soap operas a lot (it’s not like he intended to watch them, he’s just bored living alone), where the rich heroes were having a bet with their friends to see if they could woo the girl of target.

Maybe that’s why he still hesitant. Maybe, he still didn’t let Youngwoon enter the wall he had build around him, no matter how much the older male had knocked on his wall, trying to get in with his sunshine-like smiles and cheerfulness.


“So, Kyuhyun! Are you ready for our first day of training!?”

Youngwoon pouted when Kyuhyun gave him a dull stare, “Yah! Pumped up a bit, will you!? You looked like you’re in some kind of a military training or something…”

“Hyung…” Kyuhyun started with a scowl, “Is this really necessary? I have better things to do!”

“Oh wow, I just realize that cooping in your room and play StarCraft is an important thing to be done. Geez thanks, Kyuhyun-ah for telling me that,” Youngwoon mocked playfully before beaming at the look on Kyuhyun’s face at being ridicule about playing StarCraft. He patted the younger male’s cheek, “Come on, cheer up. This is all for you.”

Kyuhyun heave a sigh as he took the papers that Youngwoon gave him, “What do you mean by ‘for me’? This is all for your amusement, right?”

“What are you saying?” Youngwoon chuckled, “I’m just helping my dongsaeng to do what he loves, that’s all.”


“Someone is happy lately.”

Kyuhyun looked up from his book to find a smirking Ryeowook in front of him, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Ryeowook winked, “You didn’t tell me you and Youngwoon hyung are dating.”

Kyuhyun stared at the prefect. He stared and stared. And stared some more. Before he exploded with a, “WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA!!??”

Ryeowook raised his brows at Kyuhyun’s sudden outburst, “Everyone had been talking about you two. I mean, you two are pretty close lately.”

Kyuhyun buried his face into his folded arms, trying to hide his blushing face. It had been a week since Youngwoon had suggested him to sing at the upcoming school’s festival and Kyuhyun didn’t realize that other students noticed their closeness. Maybe he was having too much fun that he forgot about his surroundings.

“We’re not dating…” he muttered, his face half-hidden in his arms.

Ryeowook blinked at him, “Oh… Really? I guess you two are best friends now, huh?”

Kyuhyun stilled at the statement. Friends? Truthfully, Kyuhyun is still wondering what was him to Youngwoon and what is their relationship. He’s certainly not Youngwoon’s boyfriend and he’s sure the older male didn’t have any romantic feelings to him. He was not sure if they’re friends though, since they’re not close enough to be friends.

Yes, they met after school in the music room to practice, but that was it. He had never been to Youngwoon’s house and vice versa. They also didn’t hangout during weekends like normal friends (like Youngwoon and his friends did). They didn’t know about each other except for their names and ages and a snippets of their family background. They didn’t exchange gifts during Christmas or birthdays (they didn’t even know each others’ birthdays).

They are still not…friends.

Then, what are we?

“What are you to me?” Youngwoon raised his brows at Kyuhyun’s question. They were in the music room, just relaxing after two hours of arranging the song and teaching Kyuhyun how to sing in front of a crowd.

“Hmm…” the older male hummed and Kyuhyun fiddled with his fingers in nervousness. The older male then suddenly grinned, his set of pearly white teeth showing,

“You’re my dongsaeng.”

Kyuhyun paused the music at the memory from earlier. He removed the earphones from his ears before pushing himself up with a sigh. He stared at his lap for a moment before covering his face with his hands. He was feeling weird right now; like there are so many thoughts jumbled up in his head, and all he wanted to do is screaming out loud, hoping that it’ll clear his mind from everything that was bothering him.

He turned his head towards his laptop and saw something blinks a flash of orange. He stared for a good minute before clicking the blinking chat room tab and reads.

hndsomeguyKangin: WHAT’S UP KYUUUU~!!

Kyuhyun stared at the message with a smile that was laced with bitterness; he could just ignore the older male, it’s not like he would know anyway. However, the mental images of Youngwoon, in front of his laptop, waiting for his replies with wide, big, smile on his face, entered his mind and Kyuhyun just couldn’t resist.

GameKYU: what’s up, hyung ^^~
hndsomeguyKangin: what are you doing rite now?
hndsomeguyKangin: are u practicing like I told you?
GameKYU: yeah, I’m practicing hyung,
GameKYU: u’re disturbing me right now.
hndsomeguyKangin: aww geez~
hndsomeguyKangin: sorry for disturbing you, kyuhyunnie~ >.<

Kyuhyun chuckled at the reply before typing his.

GameKYU: I’m joking hyung
GameKYU: It’s okay, I needed a break anyways
GameKYU: anymore singing and I’m gonna explode >.>
hndsomeguyKangin: that’s exaggerating =3=
hndsomeguyKangin: u can’t explode by singing
GameKYU: well, why don’t you try it urself?
hndsomeguyKangin: Yah! Do u want me to explode?
hndsomeguyKangin: u’re a mean dongsaeng, Kyuhyun-ah T.T

Kyuhyun shook his head lightly and took a sip of his milk.

hndsomeguyKangin: oh, Kyuhyun-ah, can I ask u something?
hndsomeguyKangin: have u ever been in love before?

Kyuhyun choked on his milk at seeing Youngwoon’s question. He coughed and smacked his chest repeatedly, his eyes widened at the message.

GameKYU: why are you asking this suddenly?
hndsomeguyKangin: ah… no reason :)
hndsomeguyKangin: just curious…
hndsomeguyKangin: I mean, I was just wondering,
hndsomeguyKangin: what if you’re in love with someone who loves you back
hndsomeguyKangin: but you have to separate for while,
hndsomeguyKangin: and suddenly, after 5 years, u’re meeting him again
hndsomeguyKangin: if that happens, I wonder, if that person is still in love with me

The singer stared at the message, the weird feelings he felt earlier rose in his stomach, causing him to feel dizzy and nauseas all of the sudden.

hndsomeguyKangin: oh well, nvm that ^^
hndsomeguyKangin: are u sleeping, kyu?

Kyuhyun let his fingers ghosting on the keypad, but he couldn’t bring himself to type anything. So he pulled back his hands, and stared at the screen blankly.

hndsomeguyKangin: u must be sleeping :(
hndsomeguyKangin: I guess, u’re that tired
hndsomeguyKangin: gud night, Kyuhyunnie ;)


“Hey, guess what!?”


“You know, the next heir of Park Group, Park Jungsu? He’s back from the States!”

“Oh my God, seriously!?”

“Yeah, I bet Youngwoon is the happiest right now.”

“Eh? How come?”

“Don’t you know? Park Jungsu is Kim Youngwoon’s fiancé.”
I can’t breathe because I can’t have you
This is a heartbreaking one side love
I need you, I want you, I miss you, wanna feel you.
(Hey, baby) So please, know that my mind is only for you

“Well, if you look at that…”

Kyuhyun raised his head at hearing the girls near him began whispering to each other. They were looking at something while giggling and Kyuhyun followed their gazes, and landed on Youngwoon. The older male was beaming (but not to him) while jogging lightly towards a sleek black Mercedes. A male stranger then came out from the driver seat; he has a short, light brown hair with its bangs almost covering his right eye. He was wearing glasses and a tailored suit and he has an attractive dimple smile which appeared when Youngwoon was approaching him.

“Hyung!” Youngwoon exclaimed, panting a bit, but the smile on his face didn’t waver even the slightest.

“Youngwoon-ah,” the male greeted back and Kyuhyun immediately recognized him as Park Jungsu.

Youngwoon’s fiancé.

“They looked cute together!” one of the girls squealed excitedly and Kyuhyun turned around sharply, and walked quickly to the music room, not wanting to see any more interaction between Youngwoon and his fiancé.


Kyuhyun pressed the piano key with his index finger randomly, his bored eyes staring the white and black keys absentmindedly. He pressed the same note, again and again, until he felt agitation seeped into his nerves. He smashed the piano keys loudly, creating a deafening sound in the empty music room.

“You know, you’re going to break the piano like that,” came the amused voice and Kyuhyun’s bored eyes moved to the smiling Youngwoon.

Why are you smiling? Kyuhyun thought as he stared at the older male briefly before he stood up, I’m in misery and you’re still smiling? He walked towards Youngwoon, who raised his brows at Kyuhyun’s silence, “Kyuhyun?”

The younger one stopped in front of him, “Hyung…”

Youngwoon raised his brows, “Yes?”

I love you…

“I don’t want to sing anymore.”


hndsomeguyKangin: kyu?
hndsomeguyKangin: Please reply
hndsomeguyKangin: I don’t understand

Kyuhyun sighed as he buried his face into his folded arms. It’s been a week since that event in the music room and he had been avoiding Youngwoon; be it in school or in chat room.

It’s not because he was hurt that Youngwoon didn’t tell him. It’s not like they’re best friends or lovers. He’s nothing for Youngwoon, so he didn’t have the reason to get hurt if Youngwoon kept his relationship with Jungsu a secret.

And yet, he still gets hurt. His heart still felt like it’s going to burst, like it’s being ripped apart.



Kyuhyun’s body tensed when he hear Youngwoon’s voice. Ryeowook, who noticed this, glanced briefly to Youngwoon before patting the younger male’s shoulder, “I’ll see you in class.”

Kyuhyun stayed still as he watched Ryeowook walked away. Even though he didn’t tell the older male about him and Youngwoon, the prefect seemed to catch up what was going on. He didn’t talk about it in front of Kyuhyun though, and the younger male is grateful for that.

He kept his eyes on the floor as he noticed Youngwoon was walking towards him. They stood still a few inches from each other, silence surrounding them.

“Kyuhyun…” Youngwoon said, breaking the silence, “I don’t understand…what you said in the music room.”

Kyuhyun sighed and shrugged, eyes still on the ground, “I said I don’t want to sing anymore, hyung. It’s that simple.”

“That’s why I don’t understand. What happened? We’re fine back then.”

The younger one’s head snapped up, “We are not fine back then. I told you from the first time, I don’t want to sing. You’re the one who forced me.”

Youngwoon was shocked, it was clearly written all over his face and Kyuhyun wished he didn’t say that. This is not him. He was supposed to have a better control on his emotions. Even when Heechul bullied him, even when some students sneered at him, he never snaps. He always manages to stay calm and be nonchalant about it.

That’s because Youngwoon hyung is there for you, his mind reminded darkly, and now, the one who’s suppose to be the thing to help you survive through your hardships, is the exact thing that’s giving you a hardship.

There was another moment of silence before Youngwoon smiled, despite the hurt in his eyes,

“I’ll wait for you in the music room.”


Kyuhyun sighed as he threw himself onto his bed. Even after Youngwoon had told him that he would wait for him in the music room, Kyuhyun was too stubborn and didn’t go to the music room. It was hard at first because a part of Kyuhyun’s heart was tempted to go to the music room, to meet Youngwoon and to wish everything is back to normal.

He turned around and faced the ceiling, his arm draped over his forehead as he stared at the blinding light from the fluorescent lamp. He wondered what was Youngwoon doing right now; if he’s still waiting or he was pissed and already left. He closed his eyes, maybe this is better….

Now that he thinks about it, Youngwoon and him was not that close. Before the day they met at the music room, he’s sure Youngwoon didn’t even notice his existence. He wonders what would happen if Youngwoon and him didn’t meet at the music room. Maybe he won’t fall in love towards the older male and maybe he didn’t have to worry about getting his heart hurt.

Sometimes Kyuhyun felt like an idiot when he’s actually a genius. He could solve equations and hard-ass Mathematic questions with a breeze and yet he didn’t know how to control his heart. He couldn’t control the feelings of happiness and sadness when it comes to Youngwoon and he hated that because he’s suppose to be the one who control his heart, because he owns it.

But in the end, some guy named Kim Youngwoon already took control of it.

And Kyuhyun couldn’t help but to watch pathetically as Youngwoon walked away with one hand holding Park Jungsu’s hand and the other one holding his heart.



Kyuhyun looked up from his book questioningly at Ryeowook. They were in the school library after school when Ryeowook asked him to tutor him in Mathematics.

The prefect eyed him worriedly, “How long are you going to ignore Youngwoon hyung?”

The younger one furrowed his brows before resuming his homework, “Don’t ask me anything that is unrelated to Math, hyung.”

He heard Ryeowook sighed softly, “But I don’t understand what happened between the two of you. One time you two were closed, and suddenly—”

“Hyung, I really don’t want to talk about it—”

“— Did he bullied you or something?”

Ryeowook jumped when Kyuhyun suddenly slammed his book close, his eyes glaring daggers towards him, “Hyung. If you’re not going to ask me about Math questions, I think I’ll go home now.”

“Wait, Kyuhyun,” Ryeowook stopped the standing male by grabbing his hand. He bit his lips and looked at Kyuhyun apologetically, “I’m sorry… I’m just…. I’m happy when I see you two, you know.”

“Hyung, I told you—”

“No, listen to me for a while,” Ryeowook cuts him off, “I’m happy to see you talking and laughing to Youngwoon hyung, Kyuhyun-ah. I’m happy because you’ve opened up to people around you, even if it’s just Youngwoon hyung.”

Kyuhyun stared at the older male for a moment before he averted his gaze to the floor. Ryeowook gripped his hand a bit tighter before continuing, “Look, I understand we’re not that close. I mean, we’re just getting to know each other and we’ve never hang out like friends should. But…. But we’re still friends, right?”

His head snapped up at the sentence and his eyes widened in surprise. He had never thought the two of them as friends – close friends that is. Like Ryeowook had said, they never do anything that shows they were friends. It’s just like how he was with Youngwoon, but the relationship he had with the older one is far more complicated than his and Ryeowook.

Because he’s not in love with Ryeowook.


Kyuhyun stopped walking. He was a few steps away from his home but Ryeowook’s words played in his mind and caused his stop. It’s been 4 days since the event in the library with Ryeowook and Kyuhyun found himself enjoys the older male company (which is more frequent lately). However, remembering what Ryeowook said earlier, he felt somewhat restless.

“You know… Youngwoon hyung always wait for you in the music room.”

“Hyung…” Kyuhyun sighed tiredly, “I told you I don’t want to talk about this.”

Ryeowook smiled apologetically, “Sorry. But… I think you should know. He’s always there waiting for you, every day after school.”

This is stupid,
Kyuhyun thought irritatingly. He couldn’t believe he turned around and went back to the school just because of Ryeowook’s words.

He sighed as he approached the music room. Well, it’ll be a big lie if he said he didn’t want to be there, but like hell he’s going to admit that out loud. I’m just going to check if he’s there and tell him there’s no use of waiting for me, he thought, assuring himself.

When he arrived at the music room, his heart fell when he saw no one was there. So Ryeowook hyung was wrong… He was about to turn around and carry his saddened heart to his apartment when he heard the sound of piano coming from the music room. He turned his head towards the closed music room before slowly approaching the door. He twisted the doorknob and pushed the white door open slowly before peeking inside.

His eyes widened to see Youngwoon in the music room; his eyes were closed as he played the piano, immersing himself into the music. Kyuhyun found himself staring. He just couldn’t take his eyes off from the scene in front of him. Youngwoon, looking so relax and ethereal while playing the piano and the beautiful music he played was just too much for Kyuhyun that he felt like crying.

However, thanks to Youngwoon who stopped playing the piano as if sensing there’s someone else in the room with him, Kyuhyun managed to stop the tears. He stood like a statue as Youngwoon’s slightly widened eyes landed on him. They stayed like that for a while before a huge grin broke across Youngwoon’s face (and God knows how much Kyuhyun missed that grin) and the older male stood up before walking towards him.

And that’s when Kyuhyun realized how pale Youngwoon looked.

“Kyuhyun-ah—” Youngwoon was cut off when Kyuhyun suddenly walked towards him, his brows furrowed in concentration. He studied the older male face and true enough, Youngwoon looked paler than before. His cheeks were sunken and his eyes looked tired.

“Are you sick?” he asked, worry all over his face.

Youngwoon blinked dumbly at him before he laughed, “That was unexpected but I’m fine, thank you.”

Kyuhyun was about to say something when Youngwoon suddenly hugged him, causing his face to heat up and his heart to do somersault, “H-Hyung?”

“I’m glad you’re here, Kyuhyun-ah. I thought I did something wrong and you hated me….”

Kyuhyun relaxed in the older male’s arms, “You didn’t do anything wrong, hyung…” It’s just me being stupid, he added mentally.

“Really?” he could feel the older male’s smile, “I’m…glad…”

And Youngwoon’s embrace suddenly slipped from his body and Kyuhyun could only watch in utter shock when the older male collapsed on the ground.


“Where is he!? Where is Youngwoon!?”

Kyuhyun’s head snapped towards the source of voice, Kim Heechul; who was frantically calling for the doctors and nurses to tell me where my cousin is, fuck dammit!! He stood up slowly when Heechul’s eyes landed on him before anger seeped into those eyes and in a split second, Kyuhyun found himself being pushed roughly to the wall, the older male gripping his collar tightly.

“You! You fucking bastard! What did you do to him!?” the older male bit out harshly and Kyuhyun winced in pain.

“What are you talking about!? I didn’t do anything!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, nerd! This is all your fault! You’re the one who caused this!”

“What!?” Kyuhyun frowned at him, feeling irritated at the older one for accusing him for something he didn’t do.

Heechul groaned in frustration as he let go of the younger one’s collar before raking his fingers through his hair, “I knew I shouldn’t let him being attached to you.”

Kyuhyun looked at the older male confusingly, “What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything to him!”

Heechul glared at him, “Yes, this is all your fault! You’re the one who refused to go to the music room! And because of you, he had been neglecting his health and stopped eating his meds!!”

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened, meds? “What are you talking about? What meds?”

“I knew I should’ve prevented him to get too close to you….” Heechul muttered gravely, ignoring the younger ones’ question, “He’s easily attached to people…. Aish… I should’ve monitored him… I should’ve made sure he’s eating his medicines…”

“Heechul,” Kyuhyun said sternly, stopping the older male’s soft mutters, “What are you talking about?” He demanded and though Heechul was giving him a pissed off look, the older male still answered,

“Youngwoon has cancer.”
If you are tired and exhausted
and you need someone else
I will be there, I’ll treat you well so you can rest
I will stand behind you


Kyuhyun grinned as he waved back at the beaming Youngwoon. He jogged lightly towards the older male, “Morning, hyung.”

“Morning Kyuhyun-ah!” Youngwoon replied ecstatically and Kyuhyun chuckled lightly at the older male’s enthusiasm.

“So, are we going to resume our practice today?” Youngwoon asked as they walked through the hallway. Kyuhyun shrugged and nodded, “Sure.”

Youngwoon was about to open his mouth to say something when his phone suddenly rang, indicating a new message. Kyuhyun watched silently as Youngwoon fished out his phone from his pocket and read the message and his heart skipped a beat when a soft smile broke across Youngwoon’s face.

“Who’s that?” he asked, even though he already knew who it was.

Youngwoon tucked back his phone into his pocket before smiling at Kyuhyun, “No one.”

Kyuhyun stopped walking, causing Youngwoon to stop too. He gave the older male a two-second stare before speaking up, “Hyung, do you want to know why I told you I don’t want to sing?”

Youngwoon’s face fell slightly and Kyuhyun continued, “I was upset because…” he licked his lips briefly, “…because you didn’t tell me about your fiancé.”

“Look, I understand we’re not that close. I mean, we’re just getting to know each other and we’ve never hang out like friends should. But…. But we’re still friends, right?”


“I…I know we just knew each other…” he cuts the older male off, “But I thought we’re…friends. So I was a bit upset that I found out about it from someone else.” He gave the older male a half-smile, as he couldn’t give him a full smile since he was pained by his own lies.

Youngwoon fiddled with his fingers before smiling sheepishly at him, “I’m sorry, Kyuhyun-ah… I do want to tell you, it’s just… I guess it kinda slipped from my mind….”

Kyuhyun nodded in understanding fashion, “I get it, hyung… Just don’t keep any secrets from me, okay?” Like your health condition.

“Okay,” Youngwoon nodded with a grin before he waved at Kyuhyun and went to his class.

Kyuhyun let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as soon as Youngwoon disappeared from his sight. It’s been three days since he found out about Youngwoon’s illness and his relationship with Youngwoon had gone back to the way it was before.

“Yah nerd.”

Kyuhyun looked up at Heechul’s annoyed voice. He was still blanked out after hearing from Heechul about Youngwoon having a cancer, and he was sitting on the chair while staring into nothingness while his head kept replaying Heechul’s words.

“Youngwoon has cancer.”

“Youngwoon wanted to see you now,” he continued with a frown. Kyuhyun gave him a blank stare before he stood up and mutely entering Youngwoon’s room.

And he was greeted by the sight of Youngwoon, in white hospital’s clothes, smiling softly at him.

Kyuhyun almost burst into tears when he saw Youngwoon, but he managed to keep calm and walked silently towards the older male. He sat on the chair near the bed, his eyes glued to the floor.

“I’m sorry….” He muttered after a moment of silence, “I didn’t know…”

“It’s okay,” Youngwoon said comfortingly, “It’s not your fault.”

But it is, Kyuhyun thought angrily as he gripped the fabric of his pants tightly.

“You know… When I found out about my illness, there are many people around me kept whispering to themselves, saying things like ‘poor kid’, ‘he must be depressed’ or ‘I wonder how he’s going accept it’. I always thought, what should I do with my life until the day that I…” he cuts himself off before he scoffed lightly at himself, “…died.”

Youngwoon inhaled deeply before exhaling with a smile, “I had accepted the fact that I’m not going to live that long,” Kyuhyun bit his lips at this, tears pooling in his eyes, “That’s why I want to do everything I love to do and everything I want to do before the time is up. And when I heard you singing that day, the first thing that came to me was ‘I need to let other people hear this’.”

He looked at Kyuhyun and held the younger one’s hand, forcing Kyuhyun to look at him, “Your singing was wonderful, Kyuhyun-ah. And I want to share that with other people.”

Kyuhyun opened his eyes slowly when he heard Ryeowook’s voice. The older male was looking at him worriedly and was asking him if he want to go the cafeteria, but Kyuhyun declined the offer, saying he wants to be on his own for a while and Ryeowook left after giving him a suspicious look.

He sighed softly before averting his gaze to outside, looking at nothing in particular. He had told Youngwoon they were friends instead of confessing at the older male because his confession is not important right now. The fact that to let him sings in front of other people is in Youngwoon’s bucket-list is far more important to him right now. He knew he should feel sad right now, maybe screams his lungs out and blamed the faith for doing this to him and Youngwoon, but he knew there was no use to it and finally accepted everything.

Besides, Youngwoon had embraced the fate with opened hands and bright smile, so why couldn’t he do the same?

That’s why, he’s determine to do anything that’ll make him happy, anything that can bring out that smile permanently.



Youngwoon grinned as he dragged Kyuhyun towards Jungsu who is smiling his dimple smile towards the two males. Kyuhyun fixed his wrinkled uniform (blame that on Heechul; that guy still didn’t stop his bullying even though it had toned down a bit lately) as Youngwoon said something to Jungsu. The oldest of the three then walked towards him, his right hand outstretched as he offered him a friendly smile, “I’m Park Jungsu. You must be Kyuhyun, right?”

Kyuhyun was baffled for a moment before he grabbed the outstretched hand and shook it lightly, “Y-Yeah. Uh, nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Jungsu said, “Youngwoon had been talking about you for a while.”

The younger male blinked before he eyed Youngwoon briefly, “H-He did?” feeling something warm in his chest.

“Yeah, he didn’t stop talking about this special kid who has a voice to kill for,” the older male laughed lightly and Kyuhyun really had to stop his face from growing any redder than this. He sent a harmless glare silently to the giggling male and cleared his throat awkwardly, “I-I see…” dammit, stop stuttering!

As if realizing something, Jungsu checked his watch, his eyes widened a bit, “Shoot! We have to go now!”

“Go? Where?” Youngwoon asked curiously.

The older male smiled shyly, “Umm… I made a reservation at a restaurant for the two of us…”

Youngwoon blinked at his fiancé before he broke into a (beautiful) laughter, hiding his laughter behind his hand, “Seriously? Shouldn’t you keep it as a secret then?”

Jungsu cleared his throat, cheeks tinted pink. He then looked at Kyuhyun, just realized the younger male was still there, “Oh right, Kyuhyun-ssi. Do you want to go to dinner with us?”

As Kyuhyun raised his brows, Youngwoon clapped his hands, “That’s right! You should come with us, Kyuhyun-ah! It’ll be fun!”

“Wha—No!” Kyuhyun shook his head, his hands flew up as he rejected the offer, “It’s okay, I’m fine. You two should spend the night together.”

Youngwoon pursed his lips, “But…”

“Hyung, it’s okay. Besides, I’m sure Jungsu-ssi wants to spend time with his fiancé alone after 5 years of separation,” he grinned and winked at the couple, gaining a blush from them. He watched with the same grin as Youngwoon and Jungsu bid him a good-bye (reluctantly from Youngwoon of course) and walked towards Jungsu’s car.

His grin falters as the couple back-facing him, completely immersed in their lovey-dovey world. He massaged his jaw a bit, ached from giving a fake smile. He sighed at his pathetic self before averting his gaze towards the couple and watched in silence as Jungsu smiled softly at an oblivious Youngwoon who’s talking animatedly about something.

And Kyuhyun felt something amiss inside because it’s not jealousy he felt.

It was the look in Jungsu’s eyes that bothered him.




Kyuhyun looked behind him and his eyes widened slightly at the sight of Jungsu. The older male was standing beside his black Mercedes, the same dimple smile on his face.

“Can we talk a bit?”

“Kyuhyun-ah, can we go to the music room now?”

Kyuhyun blinked from his reverie before turning to Youngwoon and smiled, “Sure. But why?”

The older male shrugged before he smiled softly at nothing, “Just because…”

And Kyuhyun couldn’t help but to stare, while his heart felt like it had slowed down to a stop.

“Youngwoon had always been sick when he’s younger, but he always smiles and optimistic. He always appreciates even the littlest thing around him,” a soft smile played on Jungsu’s lips and Kyuhyun was reminded at what Youngwoon told him about sharing his singing with other people.

“He is kind…” he muttered softly and Jungsu agreed with a chuckle and a nod before the smile fell and he looked at Kyuhyun seriously.

“You know why I went to States?” Kyuhyun stayed silent, “I went there because I want to find a doctor that can cure him. But, it’s not just States, I’ve been almost all over the world, trying to find any doctor that can cure him. But still…” he stopped as tears pooled in his eyes, “…but they all said the same thing…”

Kyuhyun watched in silence at Jungsu suddenly broke down into tears. The older male buried his face into his arms as his shoulder shook violently, accompanied by broken sobs, “What should I do right now?”

His knuckles whitened as he tightened his grip,

“Youngwoon… Didn’t have much time…”

“Hey, Kyu?”

Kyuhyun hummed in reply and his head turned towards Youngwoon when the older male rested his head on his shoulder. His eyes were closed, a small smile tugging on his lips. For a moment there, Kyuhyun felt like stroking the older one’s hair affectionately but instead, he clenched his hand to the side.

“Promise me you’ll sing during the school’s festival?”

Kyuhyun stayed silent before he answered gently, “I promise.”

“Good…” Youngwoon sighed softly, “Hey, Kyu?”

“Yes, hyung?” Kyuhyun answered and he wished his voice doesn’t tremble in Youngwoon’s ears.

“I’m tired… Can I sleep?”

No, you can’t, Kyuhyun thought as he shut his eyes when he felt hot tears brimming on his lashes. No, don’t sleep. Open your eyes, hyung. Don’t sleep. He knew what was coming, and no matter how desperate he tried to stop it, he knew it’ll be in vain.

Even if I throw everything else away, I want you
The foolish monologue, the words I couldn’t tell you

Kyuhyun pressed the pause button of his music player. He stared at the device before shoving it into his bag. He sighed as he buried his face into his hands, before a familiar voice greeted him.

“Yah, nerd.”

Kyuhyun could choose to ignore Heechul since he’s really not in the mood right now. However, knowing the older male, he lifted his head anyways and gave the older male a blank stare, “What?”

“Here,” Heechul handed him a piece of letter which Kyuhyun frowned at, “What is this?”

“Youngwoon told me to give this to you. Geez, I don’t understand him. Why was he so caring about you?” the older one said, annoyance all over his face. However, Kyuhyun noticed how the older male’s voice wavers at the mention of his cousin, his eyes glassy.

Kyuhyun stared at the letter before taking it from Heechul’s hand, believe me, I don’t understand why either. He slowly ripped the end of the envelop before taking the letter out. He unfolded the paper and read the content.

To Kyuhyunnie, my favorite dongsaeng.

A small smile stretched across his lips.

I’m so sorry for not being able to keep my promise. But I want you to know I really wish I could be there, cheering for you. I also want you to remember this; even if I’m not by your side, I’m always cheering for you, always supporting you from far.

I love you, dongsaeng-ah. I hope we can meet again, probably in the next lives :)


Kyuhyun folded the paper silently and placed it inside his bag properly, careful not to wrinkle it. He stood up when he heard his name was announced, next we have a singing performance from Cho Kyuhyun, and took a deep breath before stepping onto the stage.

“Yah ner—Kyuhyun!”

Kyuhyun stopped his steps to turn to Heechul. The older male scratched the back of his head, “You’d better kill this, kid. Youngwoon had tried so hard for you.”

He smiled and nodded, “Of course.”

Because this is the only way I can tell him how much he meant for me, how much I love him.

Kyuhyun stood on the stage as he took a deep breath. He looked around the audience (some was watching him with a skeptical look and some with bored look) until his eyes landed on a familiar male with an attractive dimple-smile. He smiled back at Jungsu and walked towards the piano after the older male nodded at him.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, fingers ghosting over the piano keys before he opened his eyes and let out the feelings that had been locked inside his chest all this time, rolled out of his lips in soft melody.

Youngwoon hyung…. Can you hear me? This is my song for you. I just want to tell you….

“I love you….”
Kyuhyun sang, tears rolled down his cheeks, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to sing, to confess his feelings and even though his loved one is not here, he’s still painfully happy for all the short times they had spent together. Even though he had never got the chance to tell Youngwoon how much he meant to Kyuhyun, he’s still happy, because he knew, now, Youngwoon would know his feelings from this song.

Can you hear me?

If we are born again in the next world, I won’t let you go,
I love you like crazy, I love you till death…


Tags: member: kyuhyun, member: youngwoon, pairing: kyuhyun/youngwoon, pairing: youngwoon/jungsu
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