imaginarybulb (imaginarybulb) wrote,

broken (—will you love me?)

Title: broken (—will you love me?)
Author: imaginarybulb
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Sungmin, Kyuhyun/Heechul, mentionof! Hyukjae/Sungmin, minor! Hyukjae/Donghae
Summary: You can't save someone who didn't want to be saved. But that doesn't mean you have to give up.

Night finds Sungmin lying down on his bed alone. He had stared at the ceiling for more than hour now and yet, he didn’t even feel sleepy. He turned to his side when he got tired of counting invisible sheep jumping over a wooden fence, only to find the spot beside him empty.

He stared at the empty spot for a moment before he gets up with a shaky sigh. He averted his eyes to the beautiful moon on the night sky outside, wondering if the boy with a face as beautiful as the moon is doing okay.



Kyuhyun whimpered when Sungmin pressed butterfly kisses along his jaw and neck, before biting and nipping the sensitive spot below his ear. They had just finished another performance and are still wet and sticky with sweats when Sungmin suddenly dragged him into the toilet. Kyuhyun bit his bottom lip when Sungmin pressed their lower region even harder, his body tingling at the hardness that was pressed against his groin.

“H-Hyung—” Kyuhyun gasped when Sungmin’s hot hands slipped into his pants and brief, palming his erection, “—W-We can g-get caught—ahh!”

The maknae shut his eyes tightly when Sungmin bit his shoulder as his hand continued to stroke Kyuhyun. He moaned as he gripped Sungmin’s shoulder tighter, feeling the familiar knot in his stomach before he came, Sungmin’s name rolled off his tongue in choked scream.

“I didn’t even fuck you yet,” Sungmin breathe out with a teasing smirk and before Kyuhyun could retort with a witty remark, he moaned when Sungmin chewed his earlobe.

“B-But—” Kyuhyun gasped out, his mind hazy, already forgetting what he wanted to say.

“I locked the door,” Sungmin told him, before he swiftly turned Kyuhyun around, pressing the maknae against the cold wall. Kyuhyun moaned and pressed harder against Sungmin’s clothed erection, not caring about dirty toilet walls.

“Eager, are we?” Sungmin chuckled lowly beside his ear and Kyuhyun whimpered when he felt skillful hands pushing down his pants and brief, letting them pooled around his ankle. One of Sungmin’s hand busied stroking his member again while he stuck the three fingers of the free hand into Kyuhyun’s mouth, gesturing the maknae to suck them.

Kyuhyun exhaled loudly when Sungmin pulled out his fingers, “F-Fuck, Sungmin… J-Just fuck me already…”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Sungmin said as he tenderly kissed Kyuhyun’s sweaty neck when his slipped in one finger into the maknae’s hole.

Kyuhyun’s body jerked at the intrusion and he bit his bottom lip when Sungmin slipped in the second finger before he started scissoring. He pushed against Sungmin’s fingers, desperate for something to fill him in, which Sungmin chuckled at.

“Patient is virtue, Kyuhyun-ah…”

“Fuck th-that! I don’t need p-patience—ah!—I –I need y-you to fu—” Kyuhyun moaned when Sungmin’s fingers hit his prostate. He sobbed, “God… S-Sungmin—H-Hyung! I-I need it now—D-Dammit—J-Just fuck me already!”

Sungmin laughed lightly against Kyuhyun’s neck before he pulled out his fingers. Before Kyuhyun could even whine at the loss, he gasped when Sungmin slammed into him, hitting his prostate dead on, sending him crashing against the cold wall harder.

“Y-Yeah! Th-That’s it—I-I –O-Oh my God—H-Hyung!”

Sungmin grunted at the delicious tightness around his cock, loving the way Kyuhyun’s hole clenched around his member. He slammed into the maknae again and again, moans, whimpers, groans and grunts filling the empty toilet. After the 6th thrusts, he turned Kyuhyun around roughly before slamming in again, his lips finding Kyuhyun’s soft ones, pliable against his.

Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around Sungmin’s neck, wrapping his beautiful long legs around the older male’s waist as Sungmin lifted him up, locking his ankles together to bring Sungmin closer to him. Their kiss was sloppy yet passionate, their tongues dancing together sensually. Sungmin continued to rut against Kyuhyun, swallowing the maknae’s moans as he kissed him harder, deeper.

Kyuhyun pulled away with a gasp as he tilted his head back, the ecstasy he felt as he came without a warning hideaway the dull pain on his head, his seeds spewing all over their bodies. Sungmin came right after that, moaning Kyuhyun’s name against the maknae’s collarbone, filling Kyuhyun up to the rim.

After the two of them calmed their heavy breath, Sungmin slowly pulled out from Kyuhyun, smirking at the whine that came from Kyuhyun at the emptiness. Kyuhyun was still gripping on his shoulder even when he was back on his feet, feeling too weak and sore to stand on his own. Sungmin sat him down onto the toilet with its lid closed before he cleaned himself up and put his pants on. Sighing amusedly at the slight pain contorted on Kyuhyun’s face, he helped doing the same to Kyuhyun.

“Don’t blame me if you can’t walk for the next three days,” Sungmin winked playfully, laughing at the scowl on the maknae’s face.

“Shut up,” Kyuhyun shot back before he gave Sungmin a kicked-puppy look with his arms outstretched, “Carry me??”

Sungmin could only laugh.


Night finds Kyuhyun gasped when Heechul bit down his pale neck, with the older male’s fingers gripping the hair at the back of his head painfully, with the older male’s body rocked against his fragile, smaller frame. He whimpered when Heechul whispered something akin to how tight he felt, how beautifully hot he looked, his body jerked at Heechul’s final thrust, spewing his semen all over his and the older one’s body.

Sex with Heechul is both pain and pleasure. He felt pleasure when Heechul ravished his mouth, when Heechul bit him everywhere he could, when Heechul pinched his nubs until they were ruby red, when Heechul yanked his hair until his scalp ached, when Heechul thrust into him with any preparation.

But it was painful because it’s not with Sungmin.


Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s escapades started a year after Kyuhyun joined Super Junior. It was some sort of agreement between them; friends with benefits, no feelings involve.

Besides, Sungmin is in love with Hyukjae and Kyuhyun is in love with Heechul.

The reason why they decided to start their little escapades was because they realized something they share in common. Both of them are madly in love with someone, but were too afraid to confess because of their fear of rejection. Both of them are lonely, aching, desperate for someone to hold them, to kiss them, to release their sexual urges.

It was awkward the first time they did it; Sungmin wakes up with multiple scratches on his back, a bite mark on his shoulder and a bruise on his rib, resulted from a panicking Kyuhyun. Turns out the maknae was a virgin (which Sungmin found completely cute and amusing).

“I thought you want to give your first kiss and virginity to Heechul hyung?” Sungmin asked as he puts on his shirt.

Kyuhyun smiled softly at him from the bed; the maknae’s hair was tousled perfectly, his beautiful, pale neck and chest littered with love bites (and Sungmin caught himself staring unusually too long), “First kiss and sex are not important. What’s important is he’s my first love.”

“You never dated before?”

“I have,” Kyuhyun answered and chuckled at Sungmin’s confused look, “But Heechul hyung is my true love.”

Sungmin stared at Kyuhyun for a moment before he lets out an amused sigh. He walked towards Kyuhyun and ruffled his hair, “Whatever you said, maknae-ah.”

Their escapade continued from there. In the toilet after some shows, a few quickies right before their performances, when the dorm was empty, Sungmin and Kyuhyun had lost count after their 7th time. And after their session (when they’re not rushing to their performances or schedules), they would cuddle together, sharing small talks or doing nothing at all.

“I want to confess to Heechul hyung,” Kyuhyun said one day.

Sungmin averted his eyes from the television screen to the naked male in his arms, “What?”

“I want to confess to Heechul hyung,” Kyuhyun repeated, more determine this time as he shifted in Sungmin’s arms to look at the older male properly, “I want to confess to him tomorrow.”

“Are you sure about this?” Sungmin found himself asking.

Kyuhyun nodded with a grin, “I’m sure, hyung. I felt like the two of us had grew closer lately and I think it’s a good time for me to confess to him.”

And Sungmin said nothing as he stared at Kyuhyun for a moment. He wasn’t sure how to react with that and he suddenly felt like it’s too early. But then he wonders why he thinks like that; he had always known Kyuhyun’s crush towards Heechul and besides, wouldn’t this be the appropriate time for him to confess to his love, Hyukjae?

“Well…” he started after a moment of silence, “Good luck, kiddo! I just want you to know that hyung will always be here for you,” he ruffled Kyuhyun’s hair and he wonders why his jaw hurt when he tried to smile.

“Thanks, hyung,” Kyuhyun replied with a toothy grin before he returned his attention to the television, snuggling closer into Sungmin’s arms.

And Sungmin, television no longer on his mind, couldn’t help but to also wonder, why there’s a weird feeling in his chest.

(Little did he realize, there was something beautifully frightening blossoming in his heart; something that was spelled with four words, something that started with L and ended with E).


Sungmin wakes up with the sun peeked in between of his closed curtains, illuminating the dark room with its golden ray. He groaned and stretched his limbs as he gets up from his bed, dragging his feet to the bathroom so that he can freshen up.

Breakfast comes in next. A simple coffee as he go through the latest script for his drama, reading each letters with empty eyes when his mind had wander around, searching for someone he missed.


“Yeah, I’m dating Kyuhyun.”

The Super Junior members’ eyes widened in surprise at Heechul’s declaration. They thought they noticed the group’s baby and diva were closer than usual and decided to ask them for clarification of their suspicion, and their hunch turns out to be right.

“Oh…wow…” Jungsu muttered, still finding it extremely unbelievable. He (and the other members) thought Heechul will be with Hankyung since the Chinese male had always been his favorite member and Kyuhyun might go to Sungmin, Siwon or Donghae.

“Oh well,” Jungsu shrugged before he smiled at the duo, “As long as you’re happy.”

A small smile spread on Heechul’s face as he kissed the crown of the blushing Kyuhyun’s head, “Thanks.”

Sungmin stared as the other members began hooting and whistling at Super Junior’s new couple’s public affection. He should be happy, seeing his favorite maknae, the dongsaeng he cares a lot, is happy with the man he truly loves. He should be happy, seeing how Kyuhyun was all smiles and glowing with Heechul.

He should be happy, but he’s not.

And Sungmin hates himself.


“Good morning.”

Heechul greeted him, his beautiful face painted with a smirk that choked Kyuhyun breathlessly. The younger one hummed and nodded in reply, handing him a buttered toast. Heechul took it, biting the toast as he go through morning papers like usual, his eyes scanning the latest news of everything that had happened in the outside world. If you ask Kyuhyun, he thinks he should be the one reading the papers, watching the news, finding out what was happening in the world outside this apartment because he couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever step out from this apartment.

He sat across Heechul, indulging himself into his own buttered toast. Sometimes, his eyes would flickered towards Heechul, watching the older male’s beautiful downcast look in silence before he averted his eyes when he realized he had been staring for too long. After Heechul finished his breakfast, he would stand up with a knowing smirk and tell him that he’s going before kissing the younger one and left.

And Kyuhyun would stare at the closed door, trying to remember when was the last time Heechul told him that he loves him.



Sungmin looked up from his book at the familiar velvety voice of Kyuhyun’s and he unconsciously smiled tenderly at the sight of Kyuhyun. The latter grinned back as he closed the door behind him and jumped onto Sungmin’s back, crashing next to Sungmin.

“Yah,” Sungmin laughed when Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around Sungmin’s right arm, snatching the book from the older male, “What are you doing?”

“I miss hanging out with my favorite hyung,” Kyuhyun said lightly as he flipped through the pages of the book.

Sungmin snorted at this, “Yeah right. I thought Jungsu hyung is your favorite hyung.”

Kyuhyun shrugged, “He’s my number one favorite hyung.” He giggled when Sungmin playfully grind his head, muttering something about ‘ungrateful brat’.

After their laughter has quieted down into comfortable silence, Sungmin asked, “What about Heechul hyung?”

And he (unconsciously) regrets the question when Kyuhyun smiled lovingly at the book, “Heechul hyung is different. He has his own special spot in my heart.”

Sungmin stared at Kyuhyun, feeling something twined his heart and squeezed it painfully. He’s still wondering what’s the meaning of this feeling, but was too afraid to find out the answer.

“Oh, hyung,” Kyuhyun suddenly said, breaking his thoughts as he pulled away from Sungmin and looked at the older one with bright face, “You should confess to Hyukjae hyung!”

“Huh?” Sungmin blinked dumbly at Kyuhyun’s words.

“I mean, you love him, right?” Kyuhyun continued, excitement laced in his voice, “This is a good time for you to confess to him! If you’re nervous, I’ll help you and maybe I can ask Heechul hyung to help too!”

Sungmin averted his eyes to somewhere else, seeing Kyuhyun’s excited face suddenly was so unbearable for him. He should be excited, knowing that it’s his wish; to confess to Hyukjae and make the younger one his, but right now, he felt nothing but a twinge of sadness.

“Hyung?” Kyuhyun nudged him and when Sungmin looked at the maknae, he’s still grinning, “Are you nervous? It’s okay, I’m sure everything will be okay.”

And Sungmin forced out a smile, “Yeah… Everything will be okay…”

He wonders if he’s assuring himself that time.



Sungmin chuckled at the cheery voice belongs to Hyukjae, “Hey, Hyuk.”

“Yah, where are you?? I haven’t seen you for a while…” he could imagine the pout on the younger one’s face, “I missed you, dummy.”

“I miss you too, sweetie,” he replied in teasing manner, laughing at the light laugh escaping Hyukjae’s throat.

“Are you busy today?”

Sungmin hummed in reply, shrugging even though he knows Hyukjae couldn’t see him, “Well… The usual… I’m on my way to the set now.”

Hyukjae snorted, “Just because you’re a famous actor now, you’ve forgotten me, huh?” he mocked a disappointed sigh that brings a wider smile on Sungmin’s face, “Anyways, I’ve seen your drama, it’s pretty good.”

“Pretty good?” Sungmin scoffed, “Yah, Lee Hyukjae, it’s more than ‘pretty good’ okay?”

Hyukjae lets out another laugh, “Fine, fine. It’s the best, most amazing drama in drama’s history. Happy?”


“Geez… You’re cocky,”
the two shared another round of good laugh before Hyukjae voiced out his intention of calling Sungmin, “I want to see you today.”

“I want to see you too, Hyuk… But my schedules didn’t allow me.”

“I get it… But I still want to see you,” Hyukjae insisted in playful manner.

Sungmin lets out an amused sigh, “Suits you, Hyukkie-ah.”


“I love you, Sungmin.”

Sungmin’s eyes widened, his jaw dropped as he stared at the male in front of him. He still couldn’t believe what he was hearing; Hyukjae is confessing to him.

Lee Hyukjae, the man he loves the most, is confessing to him.

He had dreamt for this day to come, had waited for a long time for it, and yet he couldn’t find himself giving any response. Maybe he was still in daze, wondering if it’s a dream, wondering if he’s not hearing it wrong. Maybe he was nervous, wanting to give the younger one the most memorable acceptance.

(Or maybe he’s trying to find the appropriate words to reject him).

It was too sudden, he heard a small squeal and when he averted his eyes to the source, it was Kyuhyun; with his wide, bright, doe-eyes, a stupid grin on his face, sending him a look to ‘accept it, hyung!’ and Heechul was next to him, an amused smirk on his face with his arm wrapped around Kyuhyun’s waist.

It was too sudden, he grabbed Hyukjae’s face and kissed him, closing his eyes, ignoring how weird and unfamiliar it was to feel Hyukjae’s lips against his.

It’s okay, it’s okay, he thought, you’ll love Hyukjae, you had always love Hyukjae.


Sex with Hyukjae is different from sex with Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun was very vocal during sex. He moans and grunts and begs out loud, shamelessly and Sungmin didn’t mind it at all. He thought Kyuhyun’s voice is the sexiest during sex and it always turns him on. But Hyukjae is different. He bit his bottom lip a lot, only letting small whimpers here and there. He didn’t say much during sex and at first Sungmin found it to be cute, but he thinks he likes it when his partner is more vocal better.

Kyuhyun also knows how to pleasure Sungmin. He knows when it’s time to take control, knows how to flick his wrist or tongue just right, knows how to ride Sungmin in ways that Sungmin could never expected. But Hyukjae is different. He was so plain and boring and always let Sungmin takes the lead, never once trying to take the upper hand.

When he kissed Hyukjae, he felt nothing. The younger one’s lips are soft, just like Kyuhyun’s but there’s something lacking from him. Sungmin tried to ignore the great difference between Hyukjae and Kyuhyun, tried to close his eyes and kiss Lee Hyukjae without thinking about Cho Kyuhyun’s soft, bow-shaped lips, tried to love Hyukjae, but he couldn’t.

“I’m sorry…”

Sungmin said, genuinely sorry and Hyukjae was silent, downcast eyes glossed with tears. Sungmin’s heart ached to see the younger one looked so sad, but he can’t take it back because he knows this is the right thing to do.

Hyukjae sniffed, pulling his head up as he tried to hold in his tears, “It’s okay,” he said and Sungmin mentally winced at his cracked voice when he forced out a trembled smile, “I kinda…see this coming…”

Sungmin raised his brows and Hyukjae chuckled at the look on the older one’s face, “I know it when someone is not in love with me kissed me, Sungmin.”

The pink-lover male looked down, suddenly feeling guilty. He shouldn’t have accepted Hyukjae’s confession in the first place and now he had hurt one of his precious friends. He bit his bottom lip before looking at Hyukjae, “Are you ok—”

“Can you please leave, Sungmin? I need some times alone,” Hyukjae cuts him off, not looking at him and Sungmin was stumped before understanding slowly dawn on him. He nodded (even though he knows Hyukjae wasn’t looking at him), “Okay…. Take care, Hyukjae…”

Hyukjae didn’t reply even when Sungmin walked away.



Sungmin looked up from his script and despite the busied hands of stylists patting his face with god-knows-what, he grinned brightly at the sight of Hyukjae, “Hey, Hyuk! You’re here??”

Hyukjae smiled back, chuckling when Sungmin tried to stand up to hug him but couldn’t since the stylist is still powdering his face, “I told you I want to see you right? Besides, I’m free today.”

Sungmin sighed amusedly before he sent the younger one an apologetic smile, “Sorry I couldn’t visit you frequently.”

“It’s okay, I understand. You’re a famous actor now, you must be busy with all the schedules.”

“Well…” Sungmin mused, “Some things will never change.”

Hyukjae nodded in agreement with a light laugh and Sungmin was caught because even after 6 years of Super Junior’s disbandment, Hyukjae didn’t change that much. Even though his feature is slightly mature now, the cute gummy-smile of his is still there; just like how Sungmin remembers from the first day he met the younger one, just like the one that made him head-over-heels for Lee Hyukjae.

Telling the stylist to give the two of them some privacy, Sungmin gestured the younger one to sit next to him, which was obeyed silently by Hyukjae. “So, how’s you and Donghae?” he started.

“We’re fine,” Hyukjae answered with a gentle smile, “Donghae is a bit busy lately with his latest drama, but we’re fine.”

Sungmin nodded slowly in understanding fashion. It took him a while to get over the tinge of bitterness when Donghae announced about him and Hyukjae, because even if Sungmin’s the one who break off the relationship he had with Hyukjae, the younger one is still someone he used to love with his whole heart. But seeing how happy those two are, Sungmin decided he shouldn’t regret on the decision he made that night.

“The others?”

“Uhm… Jungsu hyung and Shindong hyung are still with their variety shows, like me. Youngwoon hyung is still DJ-ing, Wookie and Jongwoon hyung are still singing and they’ll be on their third world tour next week. And… Kibum and Siwon just finished their latest drama and they decided to take three months break together.”

Sungmin nodded silently while Hyukjae continued, “Mi called me yesterday and said he just finished filming his drama and he’ll come to Korea tomorrow. Hankyung hyung just released his latest album and I heard it’s a big hit. Henli held his second world tour and he’s performing in Seoul for three days; starting yesterday, so he’ll finished his concert in Seoul tomorrow.”

“Did you go to his concert?” Sungmin asked, ignoring the fact that Hyukjae didn’t inform him about two particular members.

“Of course! Our Mocchi is awesome on stage! He improves a lot!” Sungmin chuckled at Hyukjae’s excitement, “And…he said he missed you,” the younger one confessed softly.

The actor said nothing and Hyukjae continued, “Uhm… Since Henli’s concert in Seoul ended tomorrow, we decided to have a get-together that night, after his concert.”

Hyukjae looked at the older male with hope, “…You should go to. They’ve been asking why you didn’t come to the previous get-togethers.”

Sungmin sighed ruefully. It’s true that he hadn’t met the other Super Junior members for a few years now. It’s not that he didn’t want to meet them (heck, he missed the members so much) but sometimes he’s too busy with his schedules.

And also because he knows he won’t be there.

“You know, it’s hard for us to meet together like this. I mean, Mi, Henli and Hankyung hyung are in China, promoting their dramas and albums. Siwon and Kibum are busy with their dramas and sometimes during their free time, they’ll go to LA for their vacation. Ryeowook and Jongwoon hyung are busy promoting their albums and they’re also busy with their musicals,” Hyukjae grabbed Sungmin’s hand, “Come on Sungmin… We missed you.”

“….I miss you guys too…” Sungmin answered softly, staring at his and Hyukjae’s hands.

Hyukjae said nothing, fully understand the reason why the older male is so reluctant to meet the other members. He bit his bottom lip before he looked at Sungmin warily,

“Have you…meet him?”


When Sungmin told Kyuhyun about his break-up, the maknae was shocked.

“I thought you love him!?” Kyuhyun asked, his eyes widened in disbelieve.

“Yeah… I did… But…” he sighed and raked his fingers through his hair, “I don’t know… I don’t feel anything when I’m with him. I felt empty.”

Kyuhyun stayed silent at the older one’s reply before he nodded softly. He gave Sungmin an assuring smile, “It’s okay, hyung…. I’m sure you’ll find your other half one day.”

Sungmin lets out a pained smile, “Even if I found him, I don’t think he will ever be mine.”

“Eh?” Kyuhyun tilted his head, “You like someone? Who?”

Sungmin didn’t answer, instead he gave the maknae a side-glance before he closed the distance between them, meeting Kyuhyun’s lips in a chaste kiss. Kyuhyun’s reactions were immediate; his body froze, eyes widened, lips pressed into thin line. They stilled like that for a moment; neither pulls away before Kyuhyun pushed him away roughly and gets up from his bed.

While Sungmin looked calm and compose, Kyuhyun looked like he just killed somebody, “Wh-What was that for, hyung!?”

“I thought we’ve kissed before? We’ve even had sex together, Kyuhyun-ah, don’t tell me one small kiss freaks you out?” Sungmin smirked at the flustered maknae whose face grew crimson red.

“This is not funny, hyung! What happened before was nothing!” Kyuhyun exclaimed, eyes wide.

Sungmin’s look darkened at Kyuhyun’s words, and the maknae, upon noticing the look, quickly made his way to the door, but was stopped when Sungmin grabbed him by the wrist. His body was swiftly turned around to face Sungmin and in a second, he was pressed against the wall, their bodies pressed against each other, Sungmin’s face inches away from his.

“Is it?” Sungmin asked, “Is everything we had before means nothing for you?”

Kyuhyun gulped and there were so many emotions in the maknae’s eyes and Sungmin noticed that one of them was hesitance before he averted his eyes, “No.”

“Look at me, Kyuhyun-ah,” Sungmin gripped the maknae’s arms, shaking the younger one lightly, “Look at me and tell me they mean nothing for you.”

It took a while, but Kyuhyun looked up, his eyes now filled with determination, “They mean nothing for me. It’s just sex.”


Kyuhyun is a realistic man.

He didn’t believe in fairytales – in Prince Charming, in fairies, in magic. He hated reading fairytales like Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast or other sorts of fairytales that exist. He didn’t like to think that if you wish for something very hard, that wish will come true. For him, if you want something, you need to work for it.

If you love someone, you need to work for the person to be yours. If you want to be happy, you need to work for that happiness. If you want to be free, you need to work to get that freedom.

But now, living in this apartment without having the chance to go outside and see how the world changes, Kyuhyun filled his day reading fairytale books that Heechul bought for him (years ago, as some kind of a joke). And he find himself waiting, just like how a Princess would wait for her Prince Charming (someone with short jet-black hair, fox-likes eyes that filled with tenderness) to save her from the locked tower (the confined apartment) and the vicious dragon (the beautiful man that once told him how much he loves him) that breathe out fire (you’re mine, you’re mine, mine alone).


The first time Sungmin found out about it, for the first time in his life, he felt like killing someone.

(And that someone turns out to be one of his friends, his group member, his respected hyung).

After that incident in his room, Kyuhyun seemed tense around him. The maknae spent most of his time in the upper dorm to the point Sungmin found himself sleeping in an empty room. Sometimes, Kyuhyun do sleep in their shared room, but only after Sungmin had fallen asleep and he’ll wake up before Sungmin did. The members didn’t ask anything about it since they’re too busy with the packed schedules so Sungmin said nothing and pretended like nothing’s wrong.

It was one fateful day when Sungmin found an unconscious Kyuhyun. He was about to return Shindong’s music player that he borrowed when he saw Kyuhyun’s body on the cold floor in the living room. He panicked and rushed towards the younger one, scooping the body into his arms and patting his cheeks lightly as he called for Kyuhyun’s name repeatedly. It was after he had carried Kyuhyun to Jungsu’s room and placed the maknae onto the leader’s bed that he saw the glimpse of bandage wrapped around Kyuhyun’s stomach.

Curious, he lifted the maknae’s shirt and his eyes widened at the sight of fresh and old bruises and wounds scattered all over Kyuhyun’s frail body. He then inspected Kyuhyun’s legs and found numerous bruises and wounds that were hidden beneath his sweatpants.

What happened…? Sungmin thought. It was impossible for Kyuhyun to get these kind of wounds by incident. He looked battered, like someone’s punching bag.

Someone like Heechul.

His attention was caught when Kyuhyun stirred and blinked his eyes open. The maknae squinted his eyes, studying Sungmin’s figure before his eyes widened as he gets up from the bed in alarm, “H-Hyung!!?”

“Who did that to you, Kyuhyun?” Sungmin demanded seriously, ignoring Kyuhyun’s exclamation.

Kyuhyun blinked at the older male in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“This!” Sungmin grabbed the hem of Kyuhyun’s shirt and yanked it up, revealing Kyuhyun’s battered torso, “And these!” he pointed to Kyuhyun’s exposed and wounded legs.

Kyuhyun stayed silent, his brows furrowed as he shied away from Sungmin’s scrutinizing eyes, “….It’s Heechul hyung…right?”

At this, Kyuhyun’s head snapped towards Sungmin and his pale face paled even more. Sungmin’s body tense, his jaw tightened, his eyes darkened and his hands clenched into tight fists because he knew he hit the jackpot.

“…Why…?” he voiced out shakily, tears of regret and anger pooled in his eyes.

Kyuhyun looked away and the maknae hugged his bruised body, silent tears rolled down his rosy cheeks. He was embarrassed to have Sungmin saw him like this, damaged and broken. He thought he could hide it from the members as long as he can, but he was too careless. He should’ve just allowed Heechul to stay and take care of him instead of insisting to the older one that he’s fine.

“It’s nothing, hyung…” he said softly, inching slowly to the edge of the bed opposite to where Sungmin was standing at. He let his feet touched the cold floor, his back facing Sungmin, “You’re overreacting.”

Sungmin’s jaw dropped as he scoffed in disbelieve, “How am I overreacting!!? You looked like someone who’s involved in a gang fight!!”

When Kyuhyun chose to stay silent, Sungmin let out a frustrated sigh as he raked his fingers through his hair, “Kyuhyun, please… If Heechul hyung is hurting you, you need to tell me!”

“And then what!?” Kyuhyun shot back, still back-facing Sungmin, “What are you going to do next, hyung? You’re going to tell the members and the management? Then what? Didn’t you think how this can affect our group? It’s enough with Hankyung hyung left us, I don’t want to burden the other members especially Jungsu hyung because of this.”


“Please, hyung…” Kyuhyun pleaded with shaky voice, his equally trembled fingers gripping the bed sheet, “Just don’t say anything about it… I’m begging you, hyung…”

Sungmin stayed silent and stared at Kyuhyun’s back with conflicted emotions. He then slowly walks towards the maknae, already expecting a crying Kyuhyun. Without letting a single word, he pulled Kyuhyun into his arms, just holding the younger one tightly.

Sungmin couldn’t remember how long they stayed like that.


Sungmin stilled at Hyukjae’s question before he slowly shook his head, “…No… I haven’t seen him for a few months now…”

Hyukjae sighed softly, “But you know…you should right?”

The older one nodded weakly in silence. Hyukjae was the only person except for him that knows about Heechul’s abuse towards Heechul. When the rapper found out about it, he had cried in anger and demanded why Sungmin and Kyuhyun kept it in silence.

“You don’t understand, hyung. I love him, I love Heechul hyung so much!”

“It’s not love, you idiot!! He’s hurting you!!”

“Please…hyung…. I…I love him so much… I don’t want to lose him…”

“But Kyu…”

“Hyukkie hyung, please… I’m begging you… Don’t make me lose him…”

“Maknae is hurting…” Hyukjae said in hushed tone and Sungmin gripped the younger one’s hand in assurance when he saw the tears threatened to fall from Hyukjae’s sad eyes.

“I know…”

“He didn’t deserve to be treated like that…”

“I know…”

“Min… You’re the only person who can save him…”

“I…” …don’t know…


“Why did you help me, hyung?”

Sungmin stopped bandaging Kyuhyun’s arm at the question. He looked up and regretted instantly to see Kyuhyun’s bruised cheek and the cut at the corner of his bow-shaped lips. He had a feeling something bad is happening to the maknae, so he lied and told Jungsu he’s sick so that he can be excused from the current schedule to check up on Kyuhyun. And his hunch turns out right when he found Kyuhyun bending over the bathtub, trying to stand up but his legs were too weak and if it’s not for Sungmin’s fast action, the maknae would end up in the hospital with a concussion.

He idly ran his thumb over the cut before he swiped Kyuhyun’s lower lip gently, his eyes connected with the maknae’s dim chocolate brown eyes.

“You’re my friend, my maknae. It’s natural for me to help you,” he answered before he continued treating and bandaging Kyuhyun’s wounds with tender care. Kyuhyun stared at the older male for a moment before he voiced out, “It’s not because you’re pitying me?”

Sungmin’s head snapped up at the question and he frowned when Kyuhyun averted his gaze to the floor. He let out a silent sigh before he brushed the younger one’s uninjured cheek gently with his knuckles, a soothing action to make Kyuhyun look at him. Kyuhyun hesitantly complied to the gesture and Sungmin cupped his face into his hands, “This is not about pity, Kyuhyun. I did this because someone important for me is hurting.”

“Hyung…” Kyuhyun called out in shaky tone, tears pooled in his eyes, “…I…”

Sungmin smiled in assurance, wiping the fallen tears with his thumbs before he looked at the maknae seriously, “But Kyuhyun… Let me confront Heechul hyung about this.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened, “N-No! Please don’t!!”

“You’re hurting, Kyuhyun-ah. This has to stop,” Sungmin looked at him pleadingly.

The younger one shook his head rapidly, his brown locks fluttered messily, “Please don’t, hyung…” his glassy eyes locked with Sungmin’s equally glossy orbs, “I-I love him… I love him so much… I can’t—I can’t leave him, hyung…”

“But Kyu…”

“It’s just a phase,” Kyuhyun argued weakly, “It’s just a phase… Everything… Everything will be okay…”

Sungmin said nothing after that. He stood up before silently pulling the maknae’s head to his chest, “If you need any help… Just call me, okay?”

Kyuhyun didn’t say yes, but he let out a faint chuckle, “Thanks, hyung.”


Oh God…he pants softly, it hurts so much…his vision was getting blurry and his body felt too weak. This is not good, he needs to stay awake.

The phone...trembled hand raised slowly and Kyuhyun squint through his hazy vision to make out the shape of his phone, lying on the floor a few steps away from him. After a few of failed attempts, he finally succeeds in grabbing the device and drags it to him. Hyung…he used the remaining energy in his body to pushed himself up and pressed the speed dial 1. He waited for the older one to answer, trying very hard to keep his eyes opened.


Kyuhyun panted and swallowed, immune to the taste of iron in his saliva, “….H-Hyung…”

“Kyu—” Sungmin stopped himself and Kyuhyun barely caught the edginess in the older one’s voice, “I’ll be there.”

He sighed tiredly, letting the phone slipped from his hand before he allowed his body to fall onto the floor and his eyes to close.


“I’m sorry for calling you when you’re busy…”

Kyuhyun breathe out weakly as Sungmin placed a wet cloth on his forehead, “…It’s just… It hurts pretty bad this time…and…you’re the only person I can go to…so… I’m sorry…”

“Shut up,” Sungmin said angrily. He glared at the younger one, “You called me when you almost died, good for you,” he said sarcastically but Kyuhyun stayed silent, not affected by Sungmin’s outburst.

“What if I didn’t answer the call? What if I was caught in a traffic jam? What if I was too late?” Sungmin asked in frustration but his eyes reflect something else. Kyuhyun knows it was fear – fear of the consequences of the what ifs.

And yet he smiled softly, “….I know I can always count on you, hyung…”

Sungmin frowned at the maknae before he let out a frustrated sigh, “You… Seriously…” Saying nothing, he proceeds tendering Kyuhyun’s fresh wounds, his own heart wounded by seeing the cuts and bruises.

Kyuhyun stared silently at Sungmin before he averted his eyes to the ceiling, “…Hyung…”


“I have a secret.”

When Sungmin said nothing, Kyuhyun took it as a sign to continue, “….I…love Heechul hyung.”

Sungmin’s movement paused for a moment before he replied dryly, “Oh really? Good to know that, finally.”

Kyuhyun laughed lightly at the remark before continuing, the smile fell instantly, “I love him… But… My heart…can’t take it…”
Hearing this, Sungmin stopped completely, turning his head to look at Kyuhyun, “I love him so much that my heart felt like it was going to burst from the amount of love, but now, that same love is eating my heart from inside and it hurts so much…”

Without him realizing it, tears rolled down his cheeks and Kyuhyun draped his arm across his eyes, “I love him, I really do… But the love that should be beautiful and soothing is hurting me.”

Sungmin sent the crying male a sorrow-filled gaze before he wiped the tears and grabbed Kyuhyun’s wrist to remove his arm from his eyes. He stared into Kyuhyun’s teary eyes before slowly closed the distance between them until their lips brushed against each other. For a moment there, Kyuhyun closed his eyes involuntarily, feeling as if his body is floating freely and let Sungmin soothe him with the kiss. But then, reality kicks in and his eyes shot open before he turned his face away from the kiss, cheeks reddened.

The older of the two said nothing and he stood up, “You need to rest,” before he leaves the room.

Kyuhyun couldn’t sleep that night – and for the first time, it’s not because he spends the night crying about his abused self.


Sungmin exhales softly as he stepped out the car before he lifted his head up, his fox-likes eyes that were hidden behind a pair of sunglasses darted to the tall building before him. He could remember the last time he came here, 5 months ago – the heavy rain, glossy doe-eyes, messy auburn hair, you shouldn’t come here anymore, he already suspected something’s wrong, please, don’t come here anymore, I’m begging you, please – and standing here right now, he wasn’t sure if he’s strong enough to finally meet the younger male.

He wonders how Kyuhyun looks now. He always tried his hardest to only remember the happy, normal Kyuhyun and not the abused, hurting Kyuhyun. He tried to remember the huge grin instead of bruising lips. He tried to remember the beautiful laughter instead of soft cries and sobs. He tried to remember the bright doe-eyes instead of empty, lifeless orbs. He tried to remember rosy cheeks from laughing too much instead red, blue, purple wounded cheeks.


Sungmin slowly lifted his eyes from the floor and he almost breathes out a sigh of relieved to see Kyuhyun didn’t look so battered. He stretched out a small smile, “Hi…”

Silence ensued the pair and Sungmin awkwardly lifted a plastic bag in his hand, “I brought lunch.”

Kyuhyun smiled, happy but weak and he stepped aside to allow Sungmin to enter the apartment, “Thanks, hyung.”

It was when Sungmin studied Kyuhyun in silence (as the maknae go around and tidy up the living room a bit) that he felt like he shouldn’t feel relieve at all. Even though in brief glimpse Kyuhyun looked fine, the maknae was frailer than before. His movement slowed down a bit and his beautiful milky skin is pale. His chubby cheeks are sunken and Sungmin’s fox-like eyes caught the multiple scars on Kyuhyun’s arms which he quickly hides under his sweater.

“Kyuhyun…” he called out while grabbing Kyuhyun’s wrist (and silently thank the Heavens because there’s no scar on the maknae’s wrist), stopping the younger one movement before he dragged Kyuhyun to the couch. He sat the maknae down and sat beside him,

“I’m here. I’m listening.”


It’s the day Sungmin had never thought would come.

It was like an inevitable storm. Sungmin stared with eyes wide in horror at the sight in front of him. After the call he got from Heechul (you’re free tonight right? Why don’t you come here? It’s been awhile since we hang out together – sweet, kind, familiar voice, but he should’ve guessed) he went to the upper dorm, only not to be greeted by a warm ‘hey’, but a cold scene.

Everything was a mess, like an aftereffect of a vicious hurricane. Fragments of broken glasses, books, torn papers, broken picture frames were scattered all over the floor and in the middle of the mess, Kyuhyun was there, lying on the cold floor. He was bruising, bleeding all over his frail body and face, his arms clutching his stomach, his teary orbs met Sungmin’s shocked ones. Help, they say, help me.

“You’re here?” Sungmin flinched when Heechul’s voice rang in the air. His tone was different from earlier; it was frighteningly chilly and it cuts through the air. The older male entered Sungmin’s field of vision, and unlike their surroundings and Kyuhyun’s condition, Heechul looked normal, except for the sudden ominous aura that surrounded the older one.

“Hyung…” Sungmin started slowly after a moment of silence, “What happened?”

“Oh, come one,” Heechul answered, “Don’t give me that shit. You know what happened. This little whore told you everything, right?” he stood near Kyuhyun, arms crossed over his chest, eyes penetrating the maknae.

“H-Hyung…” Kyuhyun voiced out, soft and weak and everything just came to Sungmin.

Heechul knows.

He gulped, “Hyung… Kyuhyun didn’t tell me about it. I—”

“I don’t need to hear your bullshit, Sungmin,” Heechul cuts him off, “Tell me, how long have you two fucking behind my back?”

“Hyung,” Kyuhyun sobbed, pushing himself up shakily and grabbed the hem of Heechul’s shirt, “Please… D-Don’t do this… S-Sungmin hyung—”

“Shut up!!” Heechul bellowed, slapping Kyuhyun’s bruised cheek, sending the maknae to the floor. Sungmin’s eyes widened, he wanted to move, to help Kyuhyun, but his body was glued to the spot. He wasn’t scared of Heechul, but of what he can do to Kyuhyun.

“Do you want him?” Heechul asked, tone cold as ice as he grabbed Kyuhyun by the hair, ignoring the maknae’s whimpered pain as he dragged the younger one towards Sungmin before mercilessly threw Kyuhyun to him, “Take him then.” Sungmin was stumped, wide eyes darted to Kyuhyun who’s now sobbing in pain near his feet. He still couldn’t believe what was happening, how Heechul could treat Kyuhyun as an object that he can throw as he likes, something that he can just give to someone else.

His hands curled into tight fists, knuckles whitened, Sungmin was fueled with fiery anger. Something just snap in him and he was close to raise his fist and give Heechul’s unsympathetic face a punch (or two, or maybe more) when Kyuhyun cried out, “No! No, hyung!! P-Please don’t leave me!!”

Sungmin froze in his spot as Kyuhyun scrambled to Heechul’s feet, grabbing the older male’s pants, “Please, hyung… I-I love you… I love you so much… D-Don’t do this, please…. Don’t leave me…”

The anger in Sungmin disappeared in instant, like someone just pour cold water and extinguished the fire. His fists loosened and his shoulders slumped as he watched Kyuhyun begged for Heechul – the man who abused him, who just treats him like garbage – and everything just fell apart.

You can’t save someone who didn’t want to be saved.

“You love me?” Heechul asked Kyuhyun coldly and Kyuhyun nodded furiously, ignoring the pain when salty tears brushed over the cuts on his face.

Even so, it seems to be a wrong answer when Heechul kicked Kyuhyun away, “Then tell me why the fuck did you sleep with him,” he demanded through gritted teeth.

“I-I didn’t!!” Kyuhyun sobbed as he pushed himself up, only to be kicked by Heechul again, “STOP LYING!!!”

When Heechul grabbed the lifeless and limp Kyuhyun by the collar, hand raised in the air, Sungmin moved to stop the older male, “HYUNG, STOP!! WE DIDN’T SLEEP TOGETHER!!”

Heechul turned his head towards Sungmin, but the anger was still on his face and Sungmin continued pleadingly, “And he didn’t tell me about it. I found out about it by accident.”

At this, Heechul’s grip loosened and Kyuhyun slumped on the floor, crying softly. He looked up at Heechul, “….I-I love you…Heechul hyung…. S-Sungmin hyung f-found out about it because I was being c-careless…. P-Please don’t leave me, hyung…. I’m b-begging you…”

Silence surrounded the trio and when Sungmin was sure Heechul is calm, he let go of the older male’s arm and took two steps back, head down. “Fine,” Heechul broke the silence, “But I don’t want you to come near Kyuhyun anymore.”

Sungmin’s head snapped up, eyes wide, “B-But—”

“I said, you can’t come near him. Not for the cameras, not for the fans and not for the members,” Heechul added, eyes dark and he approached Sungmin, making the younger one to gulp in slight fear, “If you come near him, I’ll make sure that he pays the price.”

Sungmin’s eyes widened for a split second before he frowned and averted his gaze, reluctantly agreed with Heechul’s words. The older male then turned to Kyuhyun and crouched in front of the maknae. He grabbed the back of Kyuhyun’s hair and yanked it, forcing the maknae to look at him, “And you,” he whispered to Kyuhyun’s face, but still can be caught by Sungmin’s ears, “Even if you as much as call him, I’ll kill him.”


“Was it just me….or you two look tensed around each other these days?”

Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s movements stopped at Ryeowook’s voice, “It’s just you, hyung,” Kyuhyun answered flatly and walked to Donghae, sitting beside the older male and snatched the remote from him.

“Hey, I was watching!”

“Go to your own floor, hyung.”

As Donghae pouted, Ryeowook added, “Is it?”

Sungmin interrupts when the ‘I’m not buying this shit and I demand an answer now’ look on Ryeowook’s face, “Wookie-ah, we all know Heechul hyung and Kyuhyun are together now. I don’t want to disturb their lovey-dovey times.”

“Min is right,” Donghae added, “Besides, Chullie hyung is going to be enlisting in two weeks. Teukie hyung said we need to give Kyuhyun the chance to spend more time with his boyfriend, right?”

The dorm was filled with laughter and mocked ‘boo’ sent to Kyuhyun, but inside, the two were in despair.


Even after Super Junior’s disbandment, Sungmin always visits in the noon, bringing him lunch even though the older male was busy with his upcoming drama. He’ll stay and just sit on the couch next to Kyuhyun as he listens to Kyuhyun.

What happened? the maknae would ask, why is this happening to us, we used to be happy, like this world belongs to us, like all that matters is our love for each other…what happened now?

I missed him, hyung, I missed him. Even though he’s by my side, even though he kisses me, holds me, whispers sweet nothings to me, I felt like he’s a completely different person. Every slaps, kicks, punches that he sent me, I can take it and I’m willing to, but the fact that he’s not the same person who always says he loves me more than anything hurt me even more.

Then Kyuhyun cries, just pouring his tears out as he sobbed out what happened to us repeatedly. Sungmin would wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun’s trembling figure, like now, letting the maknae’s tears wet his shirt.

“Come with me,” Sungmin said when he’s about leave (because it’s already evening and Heechul would be home in any minute in anger, or maybe drunk).

Kyuhyun said nothing.


Every day, Kyuhyun gains new wounds; fresh wounds but sometimes in the same place, covering the old ones. Heechul would come home in anger, screaming for Kyuhyun, crashing everything around him as he charged towards Kyuhyun. In the past, Kyuhyun would cower in fear, tears streaming his cheeks as he begged for Heechul to stop. But day by day, he found himself standing still when Heechul charged towards him, closing his eyes as he waited for another punch or kick or slap to hit him.

You whore, stop looking at other people, don’t you love me, I thought you said you love me—

I love you, hyung, I always do, I always love you—

Lies, lies, lies, you’re a fucking liar, stop lying—

But I’m not lying, I love you, hyung, I love you—

Shut. Up.

You’re mine, you’re mine, you’re mine, Heechul always repeated those words. With each mind-numbing pain he felt from Heechul’s thrusts (angry sex they always had after the blow up), his ears can only hear those words, you’re mine, you’re mine, you’re mine, beautiful, you’re mine.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—

After that, Heechul apologizes, again and again, standing at the door as he watched Kyuhyun tend his own wounds with teary eyes. In the past, Kyuhyun would say it’s okay, smiling at the older male in assurance as he bandaged his wounds. But day by day, he got tired of smiling so he stood up and limped towards Heechul before he pulled the older male into a silent hug, stroking his hair as Heechul cries and apologizes repeatedly.

There are rare times when he wakes up in the morning and find Heechul prepared him breakfast. The older male then would bathe him and treated his wounds tenderly, kissing each scars and bruises gently, I’m sorry accompanied each kiss. Then they would watch the television, laughing and talking about everything and nothing and Kyuhyun really enjoys those rare moments.

No matter how artificial the affection felt to him.

And there are also times where Heechul came home drunk and instead of treating Kyuhyun as a punching bag, he would cry, asking Kyuhyun if he would stay with him forever and Kyuhyun would laugh lightly, holding back the questions that were burning in his throat, why are we stuck together this long, why are you still holding me in even though the love between us had faded slowly (or maybe it already turned into ashes long ago), why are we still trying to end our story with happily ever after, did we even meant to be.

“You’re mine, you’re mine, you’re mine…right?” Heechul would sob out and Kyuhyun nodded as he pulled Heechul into his arms.

But you’re mine doesn’t mean I love you.


Sungmin, more than anything, wants to meet Kyuhyun.

If he can, he would grab Kyuhyun’s hand and just drag him away from Heechul. But he knows, he’s not capable in doing it. It’s because Kyuhyun loves Heechul and the maknae will always go back to the older male no matter how many scars end up tattooed on his body. And Heechul is his brother, his friend and he had known the older one long before he met Kyuhyun.

And also he knows, for the fact, Heechul won’t hesitate in hurting Kyuhyun, like how he threatened them before.

But sometimes they met during the backstage of Jongwoon and Ryeowook’s concerts and though Sungmin (accidentally) noticed the new bruises on Kyuhyun, he couldn’t say anything because Kyuhyun will end up getting hurt because of his attempt to save him. That’s why, after Kyuhyun pleaded him to stop visiting him, to stop helping him, he kept himself busy so that he won’t have time thinking about Kyuhyun.

“Min… You’re the only person who can save him…”

Sungmin sighed as Hyukjae’s words rang in his head. He looked up from the inside of his car, to the tall apartment (the dark tower that was keeping Kyuhyun and his happiness in) and send a silent prayer for the maknae before he drove away with a heavy heart.


“I just want all of you to remember, even after this, we’ll always be Super Junior in our heart.”

Jungsu wiped his eyes as he finished his speech, suddenly feeling emotional. The whole room was filled with sadness, the members start shedding silent tears until Donghae clapped his hands and grinned, “What’s with this gloomy mood!? It’s not like we’re separating forever! We’ll meet each other again right!?”

The members stared at the fishy dancer before one by one, they started smiling, “Yeah, you’re right,” Jongwoon agreed and Donghae’s grin grew wider, “Okay, so enough with angst… LET’S PARTY!!!”

Sungmin looked around him in small smile, watching as the members enjoying their hearts out. It felt as if this is not a farewell party and Sungmin was glad with it. His eyes then darted to Heechul who’s talking with Siwon, Kibum, Hankyung and Zhou Mi. He noticed that the older male was not with Kyuhyun, so he searched for the younger one. It didn’t take long as his eyes noticed the familiar tousled dark brown hair belonged to Kyuhyun. The maknae was standing at the balcony, just staring at the dark sky.

He approached Kyuhyun, careful to ensure Heechul wasn’t keeping his eyes on them. He tapped Kyuhyun’s shoulder, bringing the taller one’s attention to him. He smiled, “Why aren’t you enjoying the party?”

Kyuhyun smiled back, almost sadly, “It’s a farewell party. It wasn’t made to be enjoyed.”

Sungmin sighed silently, “Jungsu hyung said that even after this, we’re still Super Junior right? And Donghae even said this isn’t a good-bye. Maybe we’re not living under the same roof or recording songs together or filming MVs together or practicing together, but we’re still friends and we can always see each other.”

“But after this everyone will be busy with their own activities and not to mention, Hankyung hyung, Mi gege and Henli will be in China. At first maybe we’ll still meet each other and stuff, but after three years or five years, do you think we’ll still remember each other’s birthdays?”

Sungmin stayed silent at the question. Everyone knows how insecure Kyuhyun was when it involves separation. He may not be so obvious about it, but they’ve been together for a long time to notice the subtle signs of insecurities.

“We’ve been together for so long, Kyuhyun-ah. We will remember each other even after we grow old and bald.”

Kyuhyun stared at the shorter male for a moment before he let out a small smirk, averting his eyes to the streets of Seoul, “I can’t wait to see how you’ll look with bald head and wrinkly face, hyung.”

Sungmin glared harmlessly at the younger one, “I’ll look as hot as I am now.”

The maknae snorted, “Doubt so.”

Sungmin rolled his eyes at the remark but didn’t give any comment about it. The duo stood there in silence, just admiring the beautiful night view of Seoul before them. Sungmin’s attention then caught to the sight of Donghae laughing together with Hyukjae and maybe he was staring too long because Kyuhyun followed his eyes and asked, “Did you regret it?”

“Huh?” Sungmin turned back his head to Kyuhyun, “What?”

“Hyuk hyung.”

Sungmin paused for a moment before he shrugged, “No, not really. He’s happy with Donghae, that’s all matter.”

“Then what about you? Are you happy?” Kyuhyun asked.

Sungmin said nothing and smiled almost sadly, “I’m not happy, but it’s not because of Hyukjae.”

The earlier silence surrounded the pair again and they silently dropped the matter off.

“What are you going to do after this? Wookie and Jongwoon said they wanted to perform as K.R.Y with you if you agree with it.”

Kyuhyun turned his head to Sungmin, “About that…”

The maknae’s words were cut off when they heard clinking sound. They turned their heads towards the sound and saw Heechul raising his champagne glass, “Guys, I have an announcement to make.”

All movement and the music stopped as all eyes landed on Heechul. He smiled at the members, “I...I have decided to retire completely from the entertainment industry,” he turned his head to Kyuhyun, “With Kyuhyun.”

Murmurs resonated through the room and Jungsu asked, “Why?”

“Well… I want the two of us to live as a normal couple,” he open up his left arm, a gesture for Kyuhyun to come to him, which Kyuhyun complied silently, leaving a bewildered Sungmin behind. He exchanged smiles with the maknae as soon as the younger is in his arm before returning his attention to the surprised members, “I hope you guys wouldn’t mind it.”

The members shook their head in denial and Ryeowook went to the duo, “I guess we won’t be performing together, huh?”

Kyuhyun smiled softly at the older male, “If you want, I can be the guest for your concerts.”

Ryeowook smiled back and nodded as he wiped his tears, “Anytime, Kyuhyun-ah.” He then pulled the maknae into a hug, “We can still see you, right?”

“Of course, hyung,” Kyuhyun said softly.


After the farewell party the Super Junior members part ways, exchanging ‘goodbye’ and ‘see you later’. Heechul was comforting the crying Kibum and Sungmin took the opportunity to talk to Kyuhyun who’s watching the scene with a fond smile.

“So, when did you plan to tell me about it?” he asked as he stood beside Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun’s smile widened, “I want to tell you tonight, but Chullie hyung beats me to it.”

Sungmin nodded to himself and the pair stayed silent like that for a while. It was when Heechul turned to face them that Sungmin suddenly felt a warm body pressed against him. His eyes widened, his arms froze in the air as Kyuhyun tightened the hug. His eyes then caught with Heechul’s darkening gaze and he panicked, “Kyu, let me go. If Heechul hyung sees this—”

“Hyung,” he cuts him off, voice calm, “Remember when you asked me if what we had before meant anything for me…and I said it’s just sex?”

Sungmin stilled at the question, confused and Kyuhyun took the silence to continue, “I wasn’t sure back then…but now, I’m sure… What I said before… The answer I gave you…”

Kyuhyun pulled away and gave him the smile that Sungmin had never seen for the past few years (the bright, warm, sincere smile),

“….was a lie.”


The next day, Sungmin came again. And just like yesterday (and days before) he sat in silence next to Kyuhyun as the younger one talks, I love him, but I want to escape, how can I escape from this, I don’t want to leave him, I want to love him, but my heart is too weak, my heart used to be filled with love but now he’s taking the love away and it’s getting weaker, and yet he ties me with the leash you’re mine, why, why is he keeping me here when it’s impossible for happily ever after to come to us, I can’t take it anymore, my heart hurts, my heart wants to love him and is still loving him, but it was hurting too much that it can’t even beat properly, sometimes it felt like my heart wants to stop, I felt like dying, I want to die, it’s suffocating.

And Sungmin held Kyuhyun close with the maknae cried and left with a come with me, the words hangs in the air, heavy and thick, and yet again, it was left unanswered by Kyuhyun.

But the soft smile on Kyuhyun’s face before he closes the door meant something for Sungmin.


“Wow, Sungmin-ah. Your drama got a lot of positive responses. I bet acting offers will come rolling to you after this.”

Sungmin half-smiled at his manager’s excitement, the older one was reading the comments about his latest drama and he nodded and chuckled softly at some of the comments his manager read to him.

“So, what now? Do you want to take the next offer or you want to take a break and then make an explosive comeback??” his manager asked with a grin.

Sungmin silenced at that, wondering if he should take the next offer and indulge himself into his work like before. Just then, mental images of Kyuhyun – bruised and wounded, crying alone in a big and dark tower entered his mind and Sungmin frowned. He questioned about his past actions – making himself busy so that he can’t see Kyuhyun – and the results – Kyuhyun, hurting alone with no one to help him.

“Sungmin?” he jumped at his manager’s voice and stared at his manager’s confused face with conflicted emotions.


“What’s wrong, Min? You looked troubled,” the older one asked in concern.

“I…” Sungmin paused, bit his lower lip, exhaled and curled his hands into fists, “…I want to retire.”

His manager frowned, “What?”

“I…want to retire from the entertainment industry,” he added confidently, “This’ll be my last drama.”

Silence surrounded the kitchen and when Sungmin expected his manager to burst out the ‘what the fuck are you thinking’ or ‘are you crazy’ or something equally to those, he was surprised to see the older male smiling softly at him, “It’s about time for you to finally live your life for someone else.”

He stared at his manager with slightly wide-eyes and blinked before he sighed in relieve. He smiled softly and averted his eyes to the almost finished coffee, “All this time, my life had always revolves around one person and I don’t think that’ll ever change, hyung.”

The older of the two laughed, “Good for you. The other members had already realize the fans’ fairytales about them. What about you?”

Sungmin looked up to smile widely, “I’m going to save my fairytale now.”


The next day, Sungmin came again and instead of listening to Kyuhyun crying and pouring his heart out and holding him in his arms, he pulled Kyuhyun’s arm and drags him out from the apartment, smiling softly at the surprise look on Kyuhyun’s face,

“Come with me.”


Morning finds Sungmin waking up with a warm body in his arms, auburn hair tickling his nose, soft and steady breath brushed his collarbone and long fingers gripping the front of his shirt slightly. He smiled down at the angel he managed to steal from heaven, stroking the younger one’s cheek when Kyuhyun sleepily blinked his eyes open before he sent Sungmin a beautiful smile that had always caught Sungmin’s breath.

He leaned in closer, their lips brushing lightly as he whispered the three words that he knew would make Kyuhyun’s heart flutter (because his own heart also flutters at the words),

“I love you.”

Tags: member: heechul, member: kyuhyun, member: sungmin, pairing: kyuhyun/heechul, pairing: kyuhyun/sungmin
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